Archive for February, 2011

Stream of conscious tonight. Some type of writing exercise.  Pick something and then semi-stream of conscious about it for 5 minutes and then just cut it off.


Vast gaping hole in the atmosphere, no a vast gaping vortex. Devastating in power, beautiful all at the same time.  Windswept. Dirt, dust and debris. Mocking structural integrity. Destroying it piece by piece, dismantling it.  Throwing it far and wide.  Straw stuck into wood.  Destruction everywhere.  Landscape swept clean and then dumped in a pile.  Gigantic mess.  Fast, furious, pelting me with wood, iron. Automobiles flying, cows dying as they are sucked up into it.  Forceful power, mesmerizing.  Intense furiosity (yes i made that up).  Ripping to shreds any last trace of humanity.  Crawling up and down the sides of buildings, slithering throughout the countryside.  Palid fear  devestation in it’s wake. Moving on rapidly, upward and onward.  Time’s up.

That’s it.  5 minutes.  Done.  I think I need more practice I know I can write more than that in five minutes. 🙂

Couple of notes about my day:

Had 3 meeting on my calendar this morning.  Within an hour my day was booked solid from 11 to 4pm. And I love it.  I was fortunate and was able to grab a couple of unplanned breaks.

Move, it appears that my office move will happen earlier rather than later. Maybe about the same time my 90 days is up.  We shall see.

M2 is pushing me to my limits and beyond.  Wow.  My appreciation for my parents continues to grow.  And I wonder… how did they manage to avoid killing me.  I KNOW I pushed them. 🙂

Much love to everyone.  Things are looking up from my perspective.


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Day 68 – Daydream Princess

I pause, breath deep, simple sigh of relief
They’re all in bed bundled tight, fast asleep.
I collapse on the living room love seat
Exhausted my eyelids close but only for
A moment I tell myself, there’s so much
To be done. But quickly I drift into
That unconscious state between here and there

A world of fantasy, seems so real yet
Somehow it is not.  The appeal to stay
It captivates me though I musn’t delay
For what is real and must be done calls to
Me from far away, though five more minutes
Won’t hurt a lot. So I play the role of
Hero and save the damsel in distress

Then played eighteen holes and win the day
I find myself a great explorer in
Jungles massive and unmapped.  Fight tooth
And nail against scorpions, snakes, and sail
To treasure and fortune I ride fearless
To those who know and understand I win
The heart of the buxom, brunette princess

I crash to the floor, suddenly awake
My wife smiles and laughs, “Dreaming?” she asks
I ruefully nod and smile. Chagrined
I have fallen from the couch to the floor
I pick myself up and think of my dream
My wife pulls me close and with a long kiss
I know I still have the heart of the princess.

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Day 67 – Rose in the Glade

One cloudy morn, I walked a path off the beaten road
When I encountered a wilting rose
Something about this one struck me so
Whilst any other I would have passed by though

I took my bottle and watered the plant
And  watched and waited
Then before my eyes it towards me did aslant
My amazement with breath baited

The rose was a most beautiful form and color
And, my breath caught, in a moment
In delight at the sheer beauty and radiance
Glorious hues of purple and blue

Bloomed out of the lush sea of green leaves
So stunning I wiped a tear on my sleeves
For but a moment the sun broke through
And again I gasped in awe, as hue after hue

Passed through my vision leaving me
Enraptured in nature’s magnificent beauty.
Twas long ago it happened but the memory never fades
I still smile when I reminisce about that rose in the glade.

UPDATE:  Having trouble keeping track of the day.  Odd since I have a spreadsheet for that.  Anyway, I corrected the title.  Today is day 67.

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Today I saw another Facebook friend had posted a link to a Today Show video about Narcissism.  I thought it was ironic due to the last 20 years or so of irrational exuberance of the self esteem movement. Mind you, I don’t think all compliments should be barred, rather a common sense approach should be taken.  We’re not raising little child CEO’s, or princesses or princes.  Point of clarification, by princess or prince I mean a child who thinks they are the boss in the house.  Not in my house. 🙂

Anyway, after I posted it I began to wonder how much of that am I doing in my own life.  How often do I act as if the world should revolve around me and what I want?  Kids take their cues and pointers from their parents.  If I’m acting that way then they will act that way as well.  Something to think about.  I will say this, anyone who thinks they are the cat’s meow because they did something that they should have done, well, let’s just say you’re sadly deluded.

There are a lot of things that need to be done while managing a household.  Most of it’s not glamorous and someone needs to do it.  So get of your butt and make it happen.  If your spouse throws a ticker tape parade then maybe you should surprise them more often.  Anyway, enough of my soapbox, all of that to say that I think I may have some things I need to work on… yikes!

I found one quote that made a lot of sense in an article by Tony Allen-Mills in “The Telegraph” out of Calcutta, India.

Lawrence Summers, the former chief economic adviser to President Barack Obama, recently recalled that during his previous tenure as president of Harvard University he startled faculty members by questioning their approach to education.

“You have to decide whether achievement is the route to self-esteem or whether self-esteem is the route to achievement,” Summers said. “I think you guys think self-esteem is the route to achievement, and I think you’re wrong.

The idea that achieving goals is how one builds self-esteem may seem like a novel concept in today’s society.  And yet, I believe if we dig deep into ourselves we will admit that many of the times we felt the best came from overcoming adversity or accomplishing goals whether little or big.  So let’s build real self-esteem into our children by allowing them to figure out some things on their own.  It is a balancing act but if parenting were easy we wouldn’t be writing about this, would we??

Me – Chris Hotz – 2/2011

I don’t care about you,
Not even one little bit
If you don’t like me, well
Then you aren’t IT.

A chipped fingernail, has me in tears
My friends all comfort and say you poor dear.
I’ve never had a fall where mommy didn’t run
Right to my side, before she called 911

It didn’t matter that there wasn’t any blood
Just the pain in my eyes, she knew was no good.
The emergency dispatchers all know me by name
They know what do to, to ease the pain.

Everyone around me tells me I’m a princess
I’m always nice, if you treat me with finesse
But you’d better watch out if I don’t get what I want
I’ll stab you in the back, and you I’ll taunt

Every now and then they’ll tell me I’m vain
Or selfish, narcissist or that I’m a pain
I really don’t care about you or them
I’m only looking out for me the gem.

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Music Gear

I purchased this yesterday, should help me better capture those creative moments.  There are better recorders but I wanted something that was push button simple for use in the car while I drive.  The Zoom H1 seems to fit the bill so I’m going to give it a try.

Check out the Zoom H1.

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A Spring Day – © Chris Hotz – 2/2011

I walk the country lane surrounded by trees
The gravel road crunches under my feet
The trees are lifeless still from winter’s night
But warm spring sun soon will bring  to life.

Odd though it seems
Things begin to appear green
Grass shooting up around
Me.  Astonished I look up and down

The lifeless grey, replaced in myriad of colors may
Just be the most beautiful spring I’ve ever seen
Moutains spring to life, rainbow arcs through the day
Delighting the eye and soul, most I’ve ever been.

Feeling of magic in the air
Spring rushes in, unaware
Without a care
Drives out winter, on a dare.

I sigh.  Close my journal
Looking outside at winter infernal
As a soft smile crosses my face
I remember that magical spring day
Flathead Valley, Montana. One late May.

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Playlist for Today.

A little rock, metal, and more.  Mostly just stuff I’ve never heard. 🙂

UPDATE:  Ok, I misspoke, I’ve heard some of these groups.  So have you.

Youtube Playlist

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