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Archive for the ‘90 Days’ Category

Between Universes

A little stream of conscious / poetry…

Caught in the world that’s in between
A no man’s land in which you scream
But no one hears your heart pound
When you open your mouth there is no sound
The bubble you’re in sits between the ‘verses weightless, cold, empty and void.
Perhaps it’s a dream, you stop and think, no way out, become annoyed.

No way back wouldn’t go if you could, and the way forward, blocked, and you would
Plunge right ahead but not sure where or how, so in this bubble you reside, cowed

Questions coming from all sides. Mostly just who, where, what when and why.
Perhaps, if you would your striving cease, rest, relax, and Providence gives peace
Wondering if there’s anything out there, asking questions no one dares.
Their ivory towers, dastardly facades, group think common, no allowance for marauders

They talk and teach to maintain their power, truth be damned no matter the hour
None dare looks to help a friend, for fear they too will be castigated.
Anger fills the wretches soul, will none reach out as he falls in the hole?
It is no matter, you turn away, and now in the bubble he lays…

But from within another world appears, distant though and not quite clear
Others have made it, so have no fear.  The barricades that are in the way
Will hopefully soon, just fall away.
Mysterious guest, appears at last, will they see or by him pass…
Emotion hidden, received or not, the guest might never know.
What was may be, could be no more, shall not nor be unless the door is opened.
Seeking, solace, the fight rages on, will he survive til the break of dawn.
Heart grows faint and weary still, but presses on he will.

The waves are daunting, overwhelming, towering beyond our sight
Crashing down, feel like we may drown, rising again we weep
The ship is damaged, gone off course, caused by the travails of life’s deep course.

Wondering as he wanders, the traveler thinks and see the other world draw near.
Will he make it, sometimes he fears.  What if’s flood the mind, perhaps it’s all a mirage he’ll find.

God speed to travelers one and all, you may make it or not at all.
Better though to have tried and failed, than to never have tried at all.
Than to be like those whose only vision includes those staid stale white towers and hollow hallowed halls.

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Blech

Blech, sometimes. I. Struggle.

I set a course based on what I believe to be true. And sometimes founder a bit.  I’m foundering.  Choices to be made.

They are not choices you would make.  Then again, you’re not me and don’t have my life.  I generally like my life. Blessed to have an amazing wife, kids, cars, house and no pets.

It’s odd really.  Many times when seeing an amazing performance whether on stage, musical, movie… my heart yearns. to be doing that. aches for it really. I’m heading that way but most days not fast enough.  I’m currently the only one in my house with that yearning.

Sometimes.  Would be nice to have someone to do it with. A good friend perhaps.

I must course adjust.  First, I must consider what the adjustment must be.  Don’t see a fundamental shift, no 180’s.  Not my style. In considering the adjustments I need to set a goal, a target an endpoint. Where I want to go.  

Assess. Where I’m at. Then the needed course correction should be clear. 

It’s an odd place to be at times. Not worries per se, contemplative. semi-heavy heart of which some is tied to flat out tiredness.

What is it that you want from someone? Did you tell them? Do you know and do they know? Hard for them to respond and answer if not. Ah, fear holds you back eh? Common malady among humans. Not for the faint of heart to be sure. And what if the choice isn’t quite accurate, well then, course correct my friend.

Too tired to write.  Probably shouldn’t publish… eh, it’s all just random stream of conscious type stuff. And helps get some random stuff out of my head.

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Peeling the Onion

Have you ever paid attention to the layers of an onion as you peel them away?  Did you ever find one that was rotten in the middle while the outside was good?  Have you ever taken a bite of a delicious looking apple only to discover that what appeared to be good was rotten in the core?

I’m sure many of us have experienced such things.  I’ve been disgusted by rotten apple cores… still, sometimes the apple can be salvaged once the rotten bits are removed thus rendering it fit for use…

Have you ever had that happen to you as it pertains to your behavior?  Has someone challenged you on a behavior and all of a sudden you realized that there was a rottenness in you that needed to be removed?

It happened to me recently.  It turns out that my attitude in words towards those closest to me can be biting, hurtful, unkind and unloving.  Now that it’s been brought to my attention I can’t say that I never knew… It was one of those things that I knew needed to be changed at some point… well, some point has arrived and now I must tackle it head on.  I’m going to focus on destroying the soul negativity that is hurting some of my closest relationships.

It won’t be easy.  However, as a person who sincerely wants to be more loving and kind, and as challenged by the Bible, it is something I must strive to achieve.  I have two passages in mind:

Philippians chapter 4:

Let your gentleness be evident to all… Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice…

13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

And of course, the famous chapter in I Corinthians which defines love.

So there is my challenge to myself for the rest of the year.  Sometimes you just need to peel the onion and tackle the junk that’s buried underneath. I challenge you to do the same.

 

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Day 90 – Finito

90 Days.  Completed today.  Tomorrow is a new day.  I’m pulling back from one a day to something like once a week.

Questions to be answered
Soft lines to be drawn
Thoughts to be wondered
Begins again at dawn

Knowing not what the future holds
At peace with whatever happens now
Pursue the future, being bold
I think about it, and wonder how

To begin again and start anew
Will it begin or be over and through
The journey continues tomorrow
Moving forward, no sorrow

Writing every day is finito
Wipe clean the slate
Crawl out of a crate
Getting back my life, espléndido

What is next, I do not know
Pretty standard in life though.
Endless possibility awaits
Seize the day, do not wait.

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Day 89 – Ostracized

You kicked me out the front door
I don’t want you around, anymore
Do you really think I’ll put up with that
After our “so-called” little spat?

I did everything you wanted and asked
You still have the audacity to take a pass
At taking on life straight on no games
As you threw my stuff out, so lame

You say you want me back in your life
Every time I see you it’s like the knife
Is stuck in my back one more time
Moving on, not easy or sublime

The rumors you spread, so unkind
Not true, not fair, doesn’t even rhyme
Lies they were, I’ll give you that
It’s what caused our “little” spat

Everyone shuns me, like some leper
You may as well have poured salt and pepper
On my wound, considering the way it burns
I’ll bite my tongue someday, it’ll be your turn

My other friends look at me strange
Like a dog, feels like I have the mange
Outcast, not even a renegade
No where to turn, very staid.

No text, no email, not even a call
To say your sorry, not on my fb wall
I’ve forgiven you for all of that
For ostracizing and making me an outcast.

And Then There Was One… pun based on Agatha Christie murder mystery novel “And Then There Were None”… Completely different context but it sounds good.

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Day 88 – Red

The color of passion of any sort
Can be for love or anger if you resort
If I see red, then you may see steam
Roll out of my ears, as I prepare to ream.

But, lover’s passion is also red
Steamy, sensuous, don’t be misled
By what you feel,
Sometimes it can be tenuous
May not be real.

Anger breaking forth danger abounds
Don’t dare let it out while making the rounds
Someone could get hurt if you don’t bend
You won’t break but you may need to bend

I see the passion in your eyes
Would be uncomfortable
But I cannot disguise
I feel it too, could lead to demise

No matter which extreme you feel
Cautiously guard how you let it out
Properly channeled can make changes real
Out of control, real damage without a doubt

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Been extremely busy with work and family the past several days (yes, I realize it’s the end of the weekend).

Anyway, have you ever wondered why some books or manuals contain the phrase?

“This page is intentionally left blank”

Well the wiki has the history.

Blank, white, or merely out of sight
Mind blanks, it’s late again tonight
Why is this page intentionally blank
Did something leave a page out, ya think?

I find them useful for taking notes
Or making great big paper sail boats
Or perhaps a fine white sailor’s hat
Steal it from your brother, cause a spat

My personal favorite sort of use
Is for doodling, drawing, that’s my excuse
For writing on any page that says
“This page is intentionally left blank”

So the next time you see such a page
Just remember, a word from the sage
That page is there for a darn good reason
Don’t pull it out, just ’cause you think it’s in season.

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